


Dear Jensen

by BflyW



Series: The 5th Day of March [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 11:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10098866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BflyW/pseuds/BflyW
Summary: Jensen and Jared celebrates Jensen’s 35th birthday.





	

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

  
**Title:** Dear Jensen  
**Author:** BflyW  
**Beta:** snow-white  
**wordcount:** 2500

  
 **Summary:** Jensen and Jared celebrates Jensen’s 35th birthday.

 **This is the 3rd story in On the 5th Day of March series.**  
Previous stories can be found here: [MASTERPOST](http://bflyw.livejournal.com/699270.html)

 

 

 

===================================================

  
**DEAR JENSEN**

  
_“Dear Jensen."_

 _"I am sorry I couldn’t surprise you on your actual birthday, but as you know, your birthday happened to fall on a Wednesday this year, and it wouldn’t be possible to pull it off on that day without having to close the store. And to tell you the truth, the owner of this store is the kind of jerk that wouldn’t close the store for anything, not even this. So here we are, a few days late, but hopefully you will enjoy this anyway,”_ Jared opens the speech he has prepared for his boyfriend’s 35th birthday. A birthday Jensen said he didn’t want to celebrate.

_“Speaking of Wednesdays… Have I ever told you I used to leave for college an hour early on Wednesdays? I did that just to get a glimpse of you getting everything ready to open the store.”_

It had actually been closer to two hours early, but Jared doesn’t need Jensen’s ego to grow out of proportion, so he gladly tone it down a bit.

“No,” Jensen shakes his head, denying ever having heard such a thing.

_“Oh, I did. I was hoping to find you in front, preparing to open the store. Seriously, didn’t you ever notice me?”_

“Oh, he did,” Danneel yells from the back of the room, making Jensen turn and tell her to shut up.

“Why do you think he always made sure to stand by the window every Wednesday morning at that time?” Danneel isn’t normally known to let herself be silenced, and doesn’t do so now either.

“But he always stood with his back toward me,” Jared protests, vividly playing the scene in his head, how Jensen would stretch to place a loaf of bread up on the highest shelf. His t-shirt would glide up and display a glimpse of velvet skin disappearing down under the waist of Jensen’s tight jeans and always making Jared in need of adjusting himself before he could continue his walk.

_…oh…_

“Don’t tell me you haven’t been in this store for 5 years now and haven’t yet seen the view of the sidewalk you get in the mirrors above the bread shelves? He was watching you just as much as you were watching him.”

“What?” Jared turns toward his boyfriend, now grinning like a fool.

“Every Wednesday,” Danneel continues, “wearing those painted on jeans, and a little too tight t-shirt. Wednesday-jeans we used to call them.”

“Is that right?” Jared laughs at Jensen.

“She’s lying,” Jensen says, but his face tells a different story.

 

~*~

 Jensen didn’t want to celebrate his birthday this year. It was too much fuss, It takes too much energy to arrange for a celebration, and energy is something he doesn’t have at the moment. He just wanted it to be over with. When Jared had asked him what he wanted to do, he said _sleep_. “I just want to sleep, nothing more.” He would have wanted to sleep for weeks. Taking 4 weeks off from work, flown to a deserted island and just sleep.

He hasn’t had a break for a long time. Most of last year, they’d been understaffed at work with Jared being sick for long periods of time, often needing days off. With Danneel pregnant as well, and not able to work overtime, most of the excessive workload had fell on Jensen’s shoulders. 

~*~

 

_“Now that we’ve established the fact that I wasn’t the only one somewhat intrigued, even before we got together, I can continue to tell you exactly why I still – after all this time - think you are a somewhat decent guy.”_

“Somewhat decent?”

“Somewhat decent,” Jared confirms laughing. “We’ve been together more than 5 years now, living together for almost 4, and the strange thing is, I don’t seem to get tired of you.”

 

~*~

It wasn’t that Jensen was tired, it was more than that, he was _exhausted_. He never seemed to get a break.

 

~*~

 

_“I’m so happy to be your boyfriend. I’m happy to have you in my life. You make me a better person!”_

 

~*~

 

He had, like Jared, hoped that Jared’s CVS would give him a break. It was just a matter of time. Just a few weeks more, and it sure would go into remission.

And sometimes it did.

But most often it didn’t.

~*~

_“You have done so much for me, taken care of me, being good to me, making sure that my needs are met.”_

 

~*~

It wasn’t even a very bad period when Jensen realized what he had to do.

 

~*~

_“But this isn’t why I love you.”_

_“Yes, the way of take care of me and overall just dealing with my CVS is necessary for our relationship to work, but it’s not the reason why I love you. I don’t stay with you just because I need someone to take care of me. It’s not why I want you in my life. I love you for who you are.”_

~*~

It was a beautiful spring day when he made his decision. He had taken a walk to the lake to let the dog loose and hopefully get some good shots with his new camera. He had taken up photography again, something he loved to do when he was younger. It was something special about viewing the world through the lens, separating the subject from the world surrounding it and capture that moment. Savoring the existence of that particular flower, the trees reflecting in the water or that bird working so hard building its nest, and making a permanent imprint of that for eternity. It made the world around him disappear.

He doesn’t worry when he takes photographs – because worry is about the future, and the moment he is capturing is now. He isn’t depressed when he takes photographs, because depression is staying in the past, and when he is photographing, he focuses on now.

He can live in that moment, only thinking about finding the right balance between ISO, aperture and shutter; the holy trinity of photography.

 

~*~

_“I love how you always makes me smile.”_

 

~*~

If he could only find the balance in his own life.

 

~*~

_“I love the pranks you pull on me.”_

 

~*~

The balance between work, home and pastime.

 

~*~

_“I love the way you keep surprising me.”_

 

~*~

The balance between being boss and boyfriend.

 

~*~

  
_Whenever I think you cannot get any better, you do something new that makes me fall in love with you all over again.”_

 

~*~

The balance about doing enough and knowing when to quit.

 

~*~

_“Like thattime you bought whiteboard pens to write encouraging messages for me on the bathroom tiles.”_

 

~*~

He hates knowing that if Jared had not been his boyfriend, he would have fired Jared a long time ago. He knows Jared, knows that he is doing everything he can. He knows that he is pushing himself far beyond the limit. He knows that every time Jared has to ask for time off, he does it with a heavy heart. He also knows that in the end, they cannot continue like this.

 

*

In the beginning, it was okay to say that he would cover for Jared, helping out his boyfriend. Of course he would. But the thing is, after a while, Jared was not the only one getting sick.

And he could tell that every time Jensen had to cover for him, Jared would start putting more and more blame on himself. He would try even harder to make it up to Jensen, and he would blame himself when he never seemed to catch up.

 

~*~

_“I don’t love the fact that you put mustard on almost everything. That is just wrong!”_

 

~*~

In the beginning, it was – in lack of a better word – easy to be the caretaker in the relationship. It didn’t feel like a burden or an obligation. It was just about being nice to your boyfriend.

_But over time it wore him down._

Every time Jared was sick, it wasn’t just a matter of covering Jared’s obligations in the shop. It wasn’t just about making sure that Jared had food, medications and plenty of fluids to rehydrate when the vomiting finally stopped. It was also taking more than your share of the house work that would pile up when Jared was sick.

We’re not talking just the normal amount of housework. When one person is home all day, sick, time after time, the amount of housework accumulates at a frightening speed.

Even doing laundry gets harder, because one of them is working too much, so that he is not home and awake long enough to run all the machines needed, and the other one is home, but never awake long enough to safely run a machine.

Sometimes, machines are run, but have to be run again the next day, because no one was able to hang them up to dry.

All while the pile of dirty clothes just grow to the size of kilimanjaro.

And that is just one of the many chores that come with running a home.

 

~*~

_“Your pancakes though, those I love!”_

 

~*~

The walk home from the lake that day was the hardest walk he’s ever done, knowing he had to let Jared go.

 

~*~

_“But most of all I love the way you listen to people. That you take time to hear them out, and that you don’t judge. You respect that people may have different opinions than yourself, and accept that your truth isn’t necessarily the only truth.”_

 

~*~

Even opening the door was a challenge, his hands was shaking and his eyes clouded by tears.

~*~

_“I love the fact that you investigate before you make a decision, even though it drives me crazy at times.”_

 

~*~

Jared met him just inside the door, leaning toward the doorway leading to the kitchen. His hair pointing in all direction, a proof that he hasn’t had a shower yet today. His eyes are red rimmed and sore. He hold on to the cup of tea in his hands like it was matter of life and death.

 

~*~

_“I love the fact that you always do your best.”_

 

~*~

“I quit,” Jared said.

~*~

_“Even when your best is to stop, because doing more wouldn’t be good for you.”_

 

~*~

“What?” Jensen heard the words, but it was like they didn’t make much sense. “You quit?”

 

~*~

_“I love your values. You doesn’t only_ say _you care about people, you_ show _it.”_

 

~*~

“I quit,” Jared repeated.

~*~

_I love that you tell me when I am wrong”_

~*~

 

“The job, I hope, not being my boyfriend.”

  
~*~

_“Even if I’m right….”_

~*~

 

“Of course the job. I would never quit being your boyfriend.”

 

~*~

_“I’m always right…..”_

  
~*~

“But why?”

~*~

 

_“I love that you don’t see problems, you see challenges.”_

~*~

“Come on Jensen, you know why. You can’t say you haven’t thought of it as well. We can’t go on like this. This is destroying us. Working like this. _Living_ like this. “

“No, you’re right,” Jensen said, knowing very well that he too had come to the same conclusion, not even an hour ago. “How long have you been thinking like this?”

 

~*~

_“I love that you learn from your mistakes._ ”

~*~

“A while,” Jared said. “I just didn’t want to admit it. I wanted it to work. I wanted to be able to work, to contribute and to prove to myself, and everyone around me, that I too could work. But I can’t!”

A tear escaped Jared’s eyes and ran down his cheek. Jensen wanted to wipe it away, but he kept standing where he was, still a couple of steps away from Jared.

“I can’t,” Jared repeated and closed the gap between them.

“Yeah,” Jensen whispered into the crick of Jared’s neck and pulled his boyfriend close and held him hard.

The recognition of the truth stood before them like a tangible wall, not possible to walk around.

 

~*~

_“But what I love the most is that in this rut we are in – living with this stupid condition – you make sure to take care of yourself as well. You say stop, you say you need time to rest, and you say when the workload is too much.”_

_Your number one priority is your family. Us. Our dogs. And that isn’t easy while running a business like Miranda’s. But you balance it well. Sometimes that’s hard, and sometimes it’s easier, but it is never a sure thing. You put work into this relationship, and you make me better at working on us as well._

_“You teach that to be good to people, I need to be good to myself.”_

_“You teach me, that I cannot help others, if I doesn’t take care of myself.”_

~*~

They have to start the journey of applying for disability for Jared – enable him to focus on being as healthy as he can, and let Jensen hire someone to do his job at Miranda’s. Jensen can’t continue working for them both, and Jared can’t continue trying to catch up on everything between his episodes.

  
~*~

_“You make me a better person.”_

  
~*~

They just doesn’t have the energy to go on like this.

 

~*~

_“A better man.”_

  
~*~

It’s time to say stop.

  
~*~

 

 _“A better boyfriend.”_  

_~*~_

  
So when Jared asked him again, “how do you want to celebrate your birthday?” He said, “With family and friends.”

~*~

 

_“You make me want to be the best version of myself.”_

~*~

 

So here he sits, surrounded by the ones he loves the most, in the bakery his grandparents started so many years ago.

 

~*~

_“Happy birthday, Jensen!”_

  
~*~

And he realize that this room is filled with everything and everyone that matters in his life.

~*~

_“And now there’s only one more thing left to say._ ”

  
~*~

And he is capturing this moment – not with his camera – but with his mind.

~*~

 

  

_**“Will you marry me?”** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**THE END**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

=======================================

 

 

 

**5 March 2017 is the third annual CVS Awareness day.**

  
CVS, as all chronic conditions, doesn’t affect only the sick person, but also his or her family. Being a caretaker can be extremely hard, and very frustrating. It can be hard for the sick person to recognize this, because in the middle of your episodes, you are in so much distress that you cannot think of anything but finding some relief. And when you are inbetween episodes, you are sad and angry that even if you don’t have an episode, you are still struggling with severe fatigue.

It’s easy in situations like this to forget that the workload you cannot pick up weighs heavily on your partner. And it’s easy to forget that the blame for this is not you, but your condition.

If not both partners recognize this – that CVS is to blame – the caretaker will be robbed of his or her need to express frustration about the situation he or she is in, and the sick person are robbed of the opportunity to support their caretaker without being weight down of guilt of being the cause of this burden.

Caretakers are often the forgotten victim of a disease.


End file.
